Welcome to the last issue of Discovering You for 2010. Have you had the successes you wanted to have in 2010? Do you want to create more of you want in 2011? Do want to be even more in charge of your life? Then read on, and discover how you can be in the driver’s seat even more. 2011 will be your year!

HOLIDAY HOURS:  Coaching appointments are available until Tuesday 21 December, and again from 11 January.

 

Developing Your Inner Coach - Strategies for Success Part II

In November I talked about the importance of developing your Inner Coach and provided four foundation tips on developing this internal resource. I heard some readers found it interesting to consider that a good coach will provide several key elements to support your growth and learning, including:
 -  encouragement and reassurance
 -  a focus on solutions
 -  useful, and ideally, powerful questions
 -  a focus on your progress
 -  providing perspective from different angles
 -  ways to celebrate success.

Have you noticed whether you do any of these things for yourself? What would you get from being able to? The beauty of creating an Inner Coach is that then you have it for life! Here are more tips on developing your Inner Coach. 
 

1. Know Thyself

Take some time to catalogue your internal resources into a notebook, or put them on post it notes on your wall. Your internal resources include your skills, knowledge and characteristics. What are you good at? What do you have a natural flare for? What are your strengths? What do your colleagues, friends, family members say you’re good at? Be sure to ask them!

Then notice out of all of that, what do you enjoy doing? Start thinking like a coach – who would encourage you to move towards what you’re both good at and enjoy.
Spend some time also reflecting on those areas that are not your strengths. What do you find a grind, or more difficult? We all have natural strengths and weaknesses. The trick is to then work out which of our weaknesses matter and take action to grow in those areas. If you run a plumbing business and you’re not a very good painter it’s unlikely to have much impact. If you’re not very good with finances, you will need to learn certain things about book-keeping, cashflow, etc, and get a good accountant for the rest. The more you understand You, the more you can grow yourself and reach your potential.  

 

"I looked always outside of myself to see what I could make the world
give me, instead of looking within myself to see what was there."
                                                  Belle Livingstone

 

2. Become a master of good question asking

What wouldn’t happen if you didn’t? Didn’t what? Ask good questions. You wouldn’t wonder about things. New ideas wouldn’t happen. Growth wouldn’t happen. You see, when someone asks you a good open question (ie. one that doesn’t require a yes or no, or black or white answer), you automatically start going down new neural pathways as your brain looks for possible answers. Questions can move us forward powerfully simply by the direction they send our thinking in.

NLP is full of fabulous questions that have been collected from masters of language such as Gregory Bateson, Virginia Satir and Milton Erickson. So what constitutes a fabulous question? It is essentially a question that directs your brain in useful ways.  Questions can move us forward powerfully simply by the direction they send our thinking in. Here are some good examples you can begin using straight away.

USE when you’re giving yourself a hard time, things don’t feel like they’re going well, or when you want to access your confidence:

    What do I know is working well? 
    What am I learning from this situation that I can take forward with me?
    What state do I need to be in right now to do a good job?
    How can I shift my state in order to feel better?

USE when you are feeling undecided or confused – and write all of the answers down or ask someone to do this for you:

    What would happen if you did?
    What wouldn’t happen if you didn’t?
    What would happen if you didn’t?
    What wouldn’t happen if you didn’t?

USE for goal setting, when you’re problem solving or when you’re feeling ‘stuck’ in an issue:

    What is my goal? What would I like to have happen?
    How will I know when I have it? What will I be:
    Seeing, Feeling, Saying to myself, Doing, Focusing on … when I have my goal?
    What will others be seeing, hearing, noticing?

    What is one thing I can do now to start moving towards this goal?

USE to access your motivation:

    What is important to me about this goal?
    When I have this goal fully and completely, what will it give me that is even more important? And when I have that, what will that give me that is even more important?

Get into the habit of asking yourself useful questions and see where your curiosity takes you! 
 

                             "It only takes one person to change your life - you."
                                                                                 Ruth Casey

"I feel really fortunate to have discovered the concept of the inner coach, whilst working with Karen. To me, a coach is someone who provides you with helpful feedback, encourages you, supports you in striving to achieve and is involved in developing skills. Through recognising and ‘fine-tuning’ my inner coach, I have begun to notice when my inner coach steps in and offers me helpful guidance - support that moves me towards my goals. It’s empowering and gives me more confidence. And the more noticing I do – the more of a positive feedback loop occurs – creating more of my inner coach’s helpful, goal focused, and encouraging support."

Eve, Auckland

3. Give Yourself Feedback Sandwiches – they really are delicious!

Following a recent speaking engagement which went really well, I drove home feeling fantastic. I'd been speaking on 'Using Your Brain on Purpose' which I'm very passionate about. The delivery was animated, funny, engaging, the audience was very receptive and fascinated with the insights and discoveries they were making. As I reflected on how good I was feeling (a good Inner Coach habit to get into), I realised I hadn't felt this good following a workshop I'd run the week before, which had also gone very well. This realisation made me sit up and think.

I had received some great feedback following the workshop, even some referrals and recommendations, and yet I'd not felt as pleased with myself. When I reflected further, I remembered that I had wanted to fit more into the workshop than there was time for and felt I had rushed through a couple of things, which had left me feeling a bit flat. My state was much less positive despite the event going almost as well as the speaking engagement – this is a very useful distinction to make, folks. I had expectations for myself in delivering the workshop (as we usually do) and because I didn't feel I'd met them fully, I didn't feel really good about what I had done. What a missed opportunity to soak up the success of that event!

This is where a feedback sandwich comes in very handy. It helps you notice all the good stuff, and take learnings from the 'dodgy' (or perceived dodgy) bits into the future. That way you get a much more balanced view of your performance, not only learning something, but very importantly reinforcing all the excellence that you want to do more of. We don't have to get everything perfect every time (if we did we wouldn't learn much). We just need to make the most of the whole experience.

Here’s how a Feedback Sandwich goes:

Reflect on the situation/event and complete the following:

1. One thing that went well/I was pleased with is _______________________________

2. One thing that would make a difference next time/make it even better is ____________________________________________ (a specific action you can take).

3. And overall __________________________________________ (something positive)

You can use a feedback sandwich anytime you get a hunch it would be useful, including:
 •  when you're feeling anything less than positive about yourself in a situation
 •  when you've done something that didn't meet your expectations in some way
 •  when you've done something really well
 •  when you're not sure what you feel about an experience or your performance.

Enjoy all the delicious learnings…

4. Notice What is Working & Celebrate

This is possibly the most important home task I give my clients:
 -  Notice positive and useful changes
 -  Notice what’s working
 -  Appreciate the progress you’re making

Every time you consciously notice something that is working well for you, your unconscious response is to do more of it. It’s automatic and it happens all the time. Pay attention to your Inner Coach and observe:
 -  How is it sounding? (eg. supportive, encouraging, wise)
 -  How does it make you feel? (eg. empowered, supported, enthusiastic)
 -  What is it helping you notice? (eg. how experienced I am in my job)
 -  What is it allowing you to do? (eg. move forward with more confidence)

Be sure to celebrate the progress you're making – this is what a good coach does. Share your success with someone and plan how you will celebrate. It might be that you want to treat yourself to a gift or a pampering day or a new book. You may just want to shower yourself in praise – whatever makes you feel good.

Remember - Take Action

Your potential is endless, and developing your Inner Coach is one of the most powerful ways I know of accessing that potential. Put one of these tips into action this week, and another the following week, and so on and within a month, you’ll notice what a difference you can make to yourself. Every step forward makes a difference, whether you’re mindfully choosing it or not. So where do you want to be taking yourself?
 

News and Views

Changes Afoot in 2011 
The New Year will bring some changes here including new premises and hours, so watch this space for more news. For clients booked in January and February, you will be notified of any changes before your appointment. 

New Charitable Trust Established 
It's official, the NZ Trauma Recovery Trust has been formed. We will be putting plans together in the New Year for 2011 so watch this space, or keep an eye on our website. If you or your organisation are interested in sponsorship opportunities or would like to donate, please get in touch. 
www.traumarecoveryteam.org.nz
 

Holiday Inspiration

The Sunscreen Song
A local radio station recently played the “Sunscreen Song” and it was really fun and uplifting to listen to. While I’m not convinced of the actual benefits (and downsides) of sunscreen, the song is full of great advice for life (“...know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum” … “don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85...”). So if you feel like a little pre-holiday inspiration, here you go – The Sunscreen Song.

Read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
If you’re looking for a book these holidays to inspire you, this could be it – a beautifully written story that is compelling, full of wisdom and known around the World as a life changing book.

Make yourself a vision board for 2011
Vision boards are a powerful and fun way to set goals and create your future. Capture all the things you’d like to do, have and be for the year ahead and watch them appear in your life. To do this while you’re away on holiday you’ll need to pack – a large piece of board or paper, glue, marker pens, magazines, scissors. Enjoy!
 

Have a wonderful Christmas and New Year. Enjoy time with your family and friends wherever you are and whatever you're doing.

Warmest wishes,

Karen

“The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband."

Joan Rivers

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do not be afraid to stand alone.

 

 

 

Be a kid again these holidays - it raises your serotonin levels after all!

 

 

 

 If you have to work while you're on holiday, at least do it in comfort.